Sunday, September 5, 2010

Department of Filk: The Hogwarts Hymnal

It's been a while since I put anything up here, so let's dredge through my files and dig out some pieces of Harry Potter filk I wrote a while back. First of all, let's put on the Sorting Hat and see what house we get:

Slytherin
(tune: "Camelot")

When looking for a house in which to dwell in,
The Sorting Hat responded with a grin;
And said, "We have a place for you, my felon,
In Sytherin."

Where we admire Caligula and Nero,
Where ruthlessness is never thought a sin;
Lucretia Borgia's counted as a hero
In Slytherin!

Slytherin!
Slytherin!
It's where ambition is the rule;
In Slytherin,
Slytherin;
The keenest house at school.

Where how you play the game is not important;
The only thing that counts is that you win!
In short there's never been
As Machiavellian
A place for guile and cunning as there is in
Sly-ther-in!

* * * * *

Ravenclaw
(tune: "Edelweiss")

Ravenclaw,
Held in awe
By her resident students;
Sharp as tacks,
Brainiacs,
Filled with wisdom and prudence;

Mensa material
'Till the end;
We'll be friends forever;
True of heart,
Very smart;
We're so terrible clever!

* * * * *

Gryffindor
(tune: "Baby Face")

Gryffindor,
We are the lion's house
We're Gryffindor;
We're strong and brave and loyal
To the core,
Hear us roar!
That's our alma mater
We're the house of Harry Potter

Gryffindor;
You've read about us in the
Books of Hogwarts lore;
You're going to shout "encore!"
Each time you see us score;
We're the team called Gryffindor!

* * * * *

Hufflepuff
(tune: "Thank God, I'm a Country Boy!")

Well they sat me down, put a hat on my head,
I felt real nervous and my face turned red;
They gave me a house, and that's when I said,
"Yes sir, I'm a Hufflepuff!"

Well, life in Huffle House is mighty fine,
'Cause Huffles stick together like grapes on a vine;
Ol' Fat Friar is a close friend of mine;
Yes sir, I'm a Hufflepuff!

CHORUS:
Well, some dress plain and some wear a ruffle;
Some dress fancy, some kinda shuffle;
They'll give you a hug if they know you're a Huffle;
Yes sir, I'm a Hufflepuff!

Well, some call us dull, and some call us ploddin',
Our ways aren't fancy and we don't go maraudin';
We keep our eyes open and you won't catch us noddin';
Yes sir, I'm a Hufflepuff!

Our blood ain't blue and our line ain't royal,
'Cause just like the badger we're sons of the soil;
We stick to our friends and we're not scared of toil;
Yes sir, I'm a Hufflepuff!

CHORUS:
Well, some dress plain and some wear a ruffle;
Some dress fancy, some kinda shuffle;
They'll give you a hug if they know you're a Huffle;
Yes sir, I'm a Hufflepuff!

* * * * *

And now a few words about our faculty:

Dumbledore
(tune: Theme from "Underdog")

When Harry Potter and his crew
Have bit off more than they can chew
And face the wrath of You-Know-Who
It's time to send and owl too...

Dumbledore! (Dumbledore!)
Dumbledore! (Dumbledore!)

Foe of Darkness,
Friend of Harry;
Head of Hogwarts
Seminary;

Dumbledore!
Dumbledore! (Dumbledore!)

* * * * *

And finally, because he's my wife's favorite:

Snape!
(tune: "Mame")

Who's ready with a sarcastic quip?
Snape!
Who thinks that Harry Potter's a drip?
Snape!

Who drives the Slyth'rin girls so mad
'Cause he is so sexy and so hot?
Who wants the D.A. job so bad
That he'd kiss a weasel for the spot?

Who might be working for You-Know-Who?
Snape!
Who really ought to change his shampoo?
Snape!

Whose nose is long and thin and yet
Easily gets bent right out of shape?
Whose glances are so witherin'?
Who has no use for ditherin'?
Who puts the Sin in Slytherin?
Snape!