Department of Filk: The Vampire's Daughter

Here's another piece of filk I decided to drag up from my archives  The tune is an obscure one, unless you happen to like old Warner Brothers cartoons, and even then you might not associate the title with the melody.

The original song, "She Was An Acrobat's Daughter", was used in an early Porky Pig cartoon of the same name set in a movie theater.  Carl Stalling, the composer who scored most of those Warner cartoons, liked to incorporate snatches from old songs into his scores associated with stock situations, and he frequently inserted this one any time a cartoon involved acrobats, trapeze artists, or sometimes even just floating though the air with the greatest of ease.  (No, wait, that was a different song).

But for this filk, I decided to give the lyrics a Halloween theme.  Yes, Halloween was over a week ago; but I still hope you enjoy it.

The Vampire's Daughter

(to the tune of:  "She Was an Acrobat's Daughter.")

She was a vampire's daughter

She wasn't just looking for sex

   Her Friday night dates

   Met with terrible fates

And wound up with two holes in their necks;

   Oh,

She was a vampire's daughter

Lugosi had nothing on her,

   'Til one night in the sack

   A werewolf bit her back

And she woke up all covered with fur.

She was a lycanthrope's daughter

We went out one evening to spoon

   But she gave me a scare

   When she let down her hair

And proceeded to howl at the moon;

   Oh,

She was a lycanthrope's daughter

Our love-life had only one hitch

   Our romance was sublime

   Save each month at that time

She turned into a terrible bitch

She was Doc Frankenstein's daughter

In college she majored pre-med

   But they called her a crank

   In a sorority prank

When she tried resurrecting the dead

   Oh,

She was Doc Frankenstein's daughter

And that's why I have to complain

   When I offered my heart,

   She said "No, not that part;

I want you, dear, just for your brain!"

She was King Ihmotep’s daughter

She had a seductress's smile

   A flirtatious young minx

   And just like the sphinx

She hailed from the banks of the Nile

   Oh,

She was King Imhotep’s Daughter

Her beaus had to fear for the worst

   Her embrace, although lusty,

   was also quite dusty

And if "Mummy" found out they'd get cursed.

She was Van Helsing's daughter

A fairly nice girl, you'd presume,

   A pretty young miss

   And quite pleasant to kiss

Once you got past her garlic perfume

   Oh,

She was Van Helsing's daughter

So she preferred playing it smart

   Any Tom, Vlad or Dickie

   Tried to give her a hickey

They'd find with a stake through his heart.

This song has a definite moral

You'll pay it some heed if you're wise

   If the girl of your dreams

   Provokes nightmarish screams

Better off hanging out with the guys!