Saturday, November 8, 2014

Department of Filk: The Vampire's Daughter

Here's another piece of filk I decided to drag up from my archives  The tune is an obscure one, unless you happen to like old Warner Brothers cartoons, and even then you might not associate the title with the melody.

The original song, "She Was An Acrobat's Daughter", was used in an early Porky Pig cartoon of the same name set in a movie theater.  Carl Stalling, the composer who scored most of those Warner cartoons, liked to incorporate snatches from old songs into his scores associated with stock situations, and he frequently inserted this one any time a cartoon involved acrobats, trapeze artists, or sometimes even just floating though the air with the greatest of ease.  (No, wait, that was a different song).

But for this filk, I decided to give the lyrics a Halloween theme.  Yes, Halloween was over a week ago; but I still hope you enjoy it.

The Vampire's Daughter
(to the tune of:  "She Was an Acrobat's Daughter.")

She was a vampire's daughter
She wasn't just looking for sex
   Her Friday night dates
   Met with terrible fates
And wound up with two holes in their necks;
She was a vampire's daughter
Lugosi had nothing on her,
   'Til one night in the sack
   A werewolf bit her back
And she woke up all covered with fur.

She was a lycanthrope's daughter
We went out one evening to spoon
   But she gave me a scare
   When she let down her hair
And proceeded to howl at the moon;
She was a lycanthrope's daughter
Our love-life had only one hitch
   Our romance was sublime
   Save each month at that time
She turned into a terrible bitch

She was Doc Frankenstein's daughter
In college she majored pre-med
   But they called her a crank
   In a sorority prank
When she tried resurrecting the dead
She was Doc Frankenstein's daughter
And that's why I have to complain
   When I offered my heart,
   She said "No, not that part;
I want you, dear, just for your brain!"

She was King Ihmotep’s daughter
She had a seductress's smile
   A flirtatious young minx
   And just like the sphinx
She hailed from the banks of the Nile
She was King Imhotep’s Daughter
Her beaus had to fear for the worst
   Her embrace, although lusty,
   was also quite dusty
And if "Mummy" found out they'd get cursed.

She was Van Helsing's daughter
A fairly nice girl, you'd presume,
   A pretty young miss
   And quite pleasant to kiss
Once you got past her garlic perfume
She was Van Helsing's daughter
So she preferred playing it smart
   Any Tom, Vlad or Dickie
   Tried to give her a hickey
They'd find with a stake through his heart.

This song has a definite moral
You'll pay it some heed if you're wise
   If the girl of your dreams
   Provokes nightmarish screams
Better off hanging out with the guys!

No comments: